Shawn and his friends have decided it probably came from line noise. We don't have a phone line but do have DSL and if the line got hit and there was a surge then it might have made the phone ring. The first time Shawn was home and it interupted his Internet so that fits there.
I'm stuborn. I still think God used "line noise" to get to me today. Regardless I have disconnected that phone from the wall so if it happens again I know it isn't line noise. I don't expect it to happen again because I think it had a purpose.
If it was line noise it is still odd that the phone had the ringer turned off and still rang like that....
Saturday, September 13, 2008
Whoa. A phone call from God?
I have posted about this on a couple of sites I feel comfortable at but I still think they'll all read it and think I'm nuts. I don't care because I know I'm not.
I'm still awaiting my pathology reports but today for the first time I was able to clear my head and focus on preparing the lesson for the Sunday school class I have began teaching (started last week--didn't go so hot). I have been fasting for a while after reading a book about the power of it. I thought "hey, can't hurt". Right?
We do not have a home phone line. We have a cell phone. We had our home phone disconnected around 2 years ago because we are very broke financially. Anyway, I was sitting on the bed going over tomorrow's lesson on Adam and Eve and choices. I had already wondered if I should quit teaching because I'm in an unknown place with my health. I felt insecure but sucked it up and tried to have it stick to me (it's difficult for me to remember things thanks to chemo ruining my short-term-memory).
O.k., we have a phone in our bathroom and our bathroom is very close to the bedroom as our house is small. This phone only halfway worked when we did have a land line. It was here when we moved in. It belonged to the lady who lived here before us.
As I live and breathe the thing started to ring.
I have thought unti like the past hour that I've lost it. It rang and I don't mean a flippant 1 tone ring that could have been my ears. It rang 5 times before I realized Shawn hadn't changed his ring tone and it wasn't my kid's toy.
I picked it up.
Silence.
I hung it up, gulped, and said "ah well it's the weather--maybe an earthquake."
Then I went back to the bed to study and AGAIN
Six times this time. I had tried to get to my cell to call Shawn and have him hear it but when I thought "I'm losing it" it quit ringing which really had me convinced I had in fact lost it.
I went into the den to post on the sites I mentioned above and thought "if it did it again I KNOW I am not nuts."
Soooo....
It rang AGAIN. Three times!
O.k., freaking out. I laughingly called Shawn who had taken the kids to a birthday party and we said yeah it was a ghost. I called our old number and it said "this number has been disconnected or is no longer in service."
On one of the sites someone asked me "do you know any verses of the bible that are significant that have 5-6-3 in them?" I hadn't thought of the bible though I did go back to finish what I was doing after posting. I looked up 5:63 and none of the bible books go that high.
I thought it served me right for being so arrogant to think God would speak to me like that and almost let it pass. I wanted to be sure I hadn't missed anything so I googled 5:63 and 2 different books have a 63:5---Psalm and Isaiah
I'll start with Psalm because it was the first I saw.
A psalm of David, when he was in the wilderness of Judah. 2 O God, you are my God-- for you I long! For you my body yearns; for you my soul thirsts, Like a land parched, lifeless, and without water. 3 So I look to you in the sanctuary to see your power and glory. 4 2 For your love is better than life; my lips offer you worship! 5 I will bless you as long as I live; I will lift up my hands, calling on your name. 6 My soul shall savor the rich banquet of praise, with joyous lips my mouth shall honor you! 7 When I think of you upon my bed, through the night watches I will recall 8 That you indeed are my help, and in the shadow of your wings I shout for joy. 9 My soul clings fast to you; your right hand upholds me. 10 But those who seek my life will come to ruin; they shall go down to the depths of the earth! 11 They shall be handed over to the sword and become the prey of jackals! 12 3 But the king shall rejoice in God; all who swear by the Lord shall exult, for the mouths of liars will be shut!
O.k., I have been on my first true fast so I bolded the part about soul thirsting. "Calling" on your name--it was 3 seperate phone calls for pete's sake! "When I think of you upon my bed"--where was I 2 of the 3 times it happened? On my bed studying for tomorrow's lesson!
I'm not including all of Isaiah 63 because it is huge and verse 5 is enough to have answered one of my questions
I looked, and there was (A)no one to help,And I was astonished and there was no one to uphold;So My (B)own arm brought salvation to Me,And My wrath upheld Me
Earlier in the day it had crossed my mind not to teach because of all the things going on and being insecure and then I saw this. In context and even here really it's easy to see what it is about. The heading of my bible says "God's day of vengence and redemption" and it is told from what I at least saw as his point of view.
Now I'm wondering about it all and what it means. I do believe I should stick with teaching the kids. Still in my head I am saying this didn't really happen but God answered another prayer I've had lately. I have wanted to have his prescence closer and to sense him more in the tangible things.
How tangible is a phone call from a phone that has no service and hasn't worked in four years? Not just once that I might have ignored but three times? Not just three flippant rings but rings of a certain length that lead me to the bible to find this?
Maybe I heard nothing and am losing it. Maybe it was the result of an earthquake or the leftovers of Hurricane What'shisname on the way and they were working on the power (I live 600+ miles from Galveston but we are still expected to have rain and possible storms)? Maybe it was the ghost of the lady who owned the phone (lol). All this went through my head until I took seriously looking into the bible.
I have been saved since I was 13 but didn't get off my keester and try to grow until this past year. Already I have had a very spiritual experience that proved to me God was here and now this. I can't argue with a phone call that kept on--3 times in a 30 minute period. It was very much that phone's ring and not my ears.
My favorite song for well over a year has been Casting Crowns' "The Word is Alive". That's the song I had in my head during my masectomy last Feb. Anyway, the words don't feel as distant to me any more. It really IS alive in the lives of everyone. Getting saved isn't all there is. Testimony grows with every passing day even though it's so easy not to see it a lot of times.
Now I look at the paper that shows where all the polyps are in my GI tract, still scared, still not wanting it to be cancer because I know if it is that's probably it for my life but I feel safe no matter what. It's so weird.
I was 13 when I was saved.
I'm 31 now.
Too many wasted years in there.
I'm still awaiting my pathology reports but today for the first time I was able to clear my head and focus on preparing the lesson for the Sunday school class I have began teaching (started last week--didn't go so hot). I have been fasting for a while after reading a book about the power of it. I thought "hey, can't hurt". Right?
We do not have a home phone line. We have a cell phone. We had our home phone disconnected around 2 years ago because we are very broke financially. Anyway, I was sitting on the bed going over tomorrow's lesson on Adam and Eve and choices. I had already wondered if I should quit teaching because I'm in an unknown place with my health. I felt insecure but sucked it up and tried to have it stick to me (it's difficult for me to remember things thanks to chemo ruining my short-term-memory).
O.k., we have a phone in our bathroom and our bathroom is very close to the bedroom as our house is small. This phone only halfway worked when we did have a land line. It was here when we moved in. It belonged to the lady who lived here before us.
As I live and breathe the thing started to ring.
I have thought unti like the past hour that I've lost it. It rang and I don't mean a flippant 1 tone ring that could have been my ears. It rang 5 times before I realized Shawn hadn't changed his ring tone and it wasn't my kid's toy.
I picked it up.
Silence.
I hung it up, gulped, and said "ah well it's the weather--maybe an earthquake."
Then I went back to the bed to study and AGAIN
Six times this time. I had tried to get to my cell to call Shawn and have him hear it but when I thought "I'm losing it" it quit ringing which really had me convinced I had in fact lost it.
I went into the den to post on the sites I mentioned above and thought "if it did it again I KNOW I am not nuts."
Soooo....
It rang AGAIN. Three times!
O.k., freaking out. I laughingly called Shawn who had taken the kids to a birthday party and we said yeah it was a ghost. I called our old number and it said "this number has been disconnected or is no longer in service."
On one of the sites someone asked me "do you know any verses of the bible that are significant that have 5-6-3 in them?" I hadn't thought of the bible though I did go back to finish what I was doing after posting. I looked up 5:63 and none of the bible books go that high.
I thought it served me right for being so arrogant to think God would speak to me like that and almost let it pass. I wanted to be sure I hadn't missed anything so I googled 5:63 and 2 different books have a 63:5---Psalm and Isaiah
I'll start with Psalm because it was the first I saw.
A psalm of David, when he was in the wilderness of Judah. 2 O God, you are my God-- for you I long! For you my body yearns; for you my soul thirsts, Like a land parched, lifeless, and without water. 3 So I look to you in the sanctuary to see your power and glory. 4 2 For your love is better than life; my lips offer you worship! 5 I will bless you as long as I live; I will lift up my hands, calling on your name. 6 My soul shall savor the rich banquet of praise, with joyous lips my mouth shall honor you! 7 When I think of you upon my bed, through the night watches I will recall 8 That you indeed are my help, and in the shadow of your wings I shout for joy. 9 My soul clings fast to you; your right hand upholds me. 10 But those who seek my life will come to ruin; they shall go down to the depths of the earth! 11 They shall be handed over to the sword and become the prey of jackals! 12 3 But the king shall rejoice in God; all who swear by the Lord shall exult, for the mouths of liars will be shut!
O.k., I have been on my first true fast so I bolded the part about soul thirsting. "Calling" on your name--it was 3 seperate phone calls for pete's sake! "When I think of you upon my bed"--where was I 2 of the 3 times it happened? On my bed studying for tomorrow's lesson!
I'm not including all of Isaiah 63 because it is huge and verse 5 is enough to have answered one of my questions
I looked, and there was (A)no one to help,And I was astonished and there was no one to uphold;So My (B)own arm brought salvation to Me,And My wrath upheld Me
Earlier in the day it had crossed my mind not to teach because of all the things going on and being insecure and then I saw this. In context and even here really it's easy to see what it is about. The heading of my bible says "God's day of vengence and redemption" and it is told from what I at least saw as his point of view.
Now I'm wondering about it all and what it means. I do believe I should stick with teaching the kids. Still in my head I am saying this didn't really happen but God answered another prayer I've had lately. I have wanted to have his prescence closer and to sense him more in the tangible things.
How tangible is a phone call from a phone that has no service and hasn't worked in four years? Not just once that I might have ignored but three times? Not just three flippant rings but rings of a certain length that lead me to the bible to find this?
Maybe I heard nothing and am losing it. Maybe it was the result of an earthquake or the leftovers of Hurricane What'shisname on the way and they were working on the power (I live 600+ miles from Galveston but we are still expected to have rain and possible storms)? Maybe it was the ghost of the lady who owned the phone (lol). All this went through my head until I took seriously looking into the bible.
I have been saved since I was 13 but didn't get off my keester and try to grow until this past year. Already I have had a very spiritual experience that proved to me God was here and now this. I can't argue with a phone call that kept on--3 times in a 30 minute period. It was very much that phone's ring and not my ears.
My favorite song for well over a year has been Casting Crowns' "The Word is Alive". That's the song I had in my head during my masectomy last Feb. Anyway, the words don't feel as distant to me any more. It really IS alive in the lives of everyone. Getting saved isn't all there is. Testimony grows with every passing day even though it's so easy not to see it a lot of times.
Now I look at the paper that shows where all the polyps are in my GI tract, still scared, still not wanting it to be cancer because I know if it is that's probably it for my life but I feel safe no matter what. It's so weird.
I was 13 when I was saved.
I'm 31 now.
Too many wasted years in there.
Friday, September 12, 2008
Still no results
It has been a week since I had the colonoscopy/endoscopy/upper GI. Still no results. Dare I hope I get something in the mail that says "nonadenomous benign polyps" for all of them? I can pray.
Saturday, September 6, 2008
It's been a while...
Not been so hot. Finally had the GI tract testing done. We were afraid I wasn't cleaned out enough because I kept throwing up the prep. Technically I wasn't but it worked. He saw polyps. Lots of them from my stomach on down to my rectum. Centering in the sigmoid section which is where the hyperactivity showed on the PET scan back in 2006. I had a sigmoidoscopy done then that showed nothing abnormal so apparently whatever this is was microscopic at that point. Not so much any more.
I'm angry. I'm angry at myself for being angry because who am I to expect more out of life? Who am I to not live what I have and be completely happy with it? I've lost people dear to me long before they were 31 years old. There's a chance this is benign stuff. If it isn't I'll share the same fate as my paternal grandfather who I inherited the condition from and never even met. My kids will grow up with either no memory of me or very vague memories of me being sick---NOT what I want.
I see all kinds of petty stuff going on. Petty things people think and worry about and it pisses me off. It's usually the petty people who tell me not to sweat the small stuff. The petty people who say "well if I had cancer before I wouldn't smoke/lay in the tanning bed/fill-in-the-blank-etc either". What makes them feel so gosh darn entitled? That's what I want to know. Why am I stuck spending much of my life as a guinea pig staring at hospital ceilings waiting to have needles stuck in me or like yesterday--scopes shoved up both ends.
I was awake yesterday. Brutally so. Due to my anti-anxiety meds I wasn't knocked out even close to where I should have been but legally they couldn't give me more. Soooo, next time my colonsocopy/endoscopy will be an operating room procedure.
I'm scared. I don't want to have my colon removed and have a bag for poop. I don't want to die. I'm mad that I probably gave this to my kids and people are out there worrying over the simplest things.
I just want to scream at them to wake the hell up but it wouldn't do any good. If I could go back to when I was 16 and tell myself "you'll be ok until you are 30" I would make different decisions IF I knew then what I know now.
Youth AND health is wasted on the young.
Tomorrow was supposed to be my first day teaching Sunday school and now due to damage to my throat from the EGD tube, pain from polyp removal, and continued diarrhea from Thursday's laxative I can't even do that much.
I feel like a lump of a lump of a lump of a lump of a lump of a lump
I'm angry. I'm angry at myself for being angry because who am I to expect more out of life? Who am I to not live what I have and be completely happy with it? I've lost people dear to me long before they were 31 years old. There's a chance this is benign stuff. If it isn't I'll share the same fate as my paternal grandfather who I inherited the condition from and never even met. My kids will grow up with either no memory of me or very vague memories of me being sick---NOT what I want.
I see all kinds of petty stuff going on. Petty things people think and worry about and it pisses me off. It's usually the petty people who tell me not to sweat the small stuff. The petty people who say "well if I had cancer before I wouldn't smoke/lay in the tanning bed/fill-in-the-blank-etc either". What makes them feel so gosh darn entitled? That's what I want to know. Why am I stuck spending much of my life as a guinea pig staring at hospital ceilings waiting to have needles stuck in me or like yesterday--scopes shoved up both ends.
I was awake yesterday. Brutally so. Due to my anti-anxiety meds I wasn't knocked out even close to where I should have been but legally they couldn't give me more. Soooo, next time my colonsocopy/endoscopy will be an operating room procedure.
I'm scared. I don't want to have my colon removed and have a bag for poop. I don't want to die. I'm mad that I probably gave this to my kids and people are out there worrying over the simplest things.
I just want to scream at them to wake the hell up but it wouldn't do any good. If I could go back to when I was 16 and tell myself "you'll be ok until you are 30" I would make different decisions IF I knew then what I know now.
Youth AND health is wasted on the young.
Tomorrow was supposed to be my first day teaching Sunday school and now due to damage to my throat from the EGD tube, pain from polyp removal, and continued diarrhea from Thursday's laxative I can't even do that much.
I feel like a lump of a lump of a lump of a lump of a lump of a lump
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