Dear cancer

I believe this letter is long overdue.

I HATE you. I HATE everything about you. I hate how you tend to hide until you become so strong as to take part of me down. You know what I am talking about--my ovary and my kidney. You think you are so smart being so tiny until you advance too often to a point where a person who has you can't recover. You aren't smart. You are a coward.

I HATE how you tried and perhaps succeeded in part to steal away a part of my childhood. I hate even more how you came back into my body six years later--right at the point where we thought I was cured and stole much of my teen years by giving me worry and grief. I let you win back then, didn't I?

I HATE that you again tried to get me in my adult years. You see--I knew in my heart you were in my breasts and I had known for a few months. Finding you there wasn't a huge surprise but it WAS a victory. I may have lost my breasts due to your existence there but guess what cancer. For that part of my body I can have replacements. Also we caught you before you invaded--when you were weak as you truly are.

I HATE that you became a part of my life even before I was born when my 49 year old grandpa lost his body to you.

I HATE that I let you have years 15-30 by worrying and wasting away life convinced you were hiding and would come back and get me. I didn't plan to live but I did. I am now double the age I was when you came back with a vengence with the 1992-1993 relapse. I guess you didn't like that so you came back in my breasts. We got you this time cancer.

I HATE that I must go through more medical testing because I am at extreme risk of you coming back in other places. You need to leave me alone. I vow not to die from you. Do you hear me cancer? I would rather suffer painful, burning death than have you win. You won't win. I will NOT die from cancer of any type. I can be sure of that. In the name of Jesus, I rebuke you abnormal cells. I asked in his name that my cells have enough protein to slow the growth of cells. Yet if it be his will that you have your way with me you STILL won't have me. My father in heaven will have me. You won't be let in there. See he hates cancer and hates seeing his children go through it as much as I do.

Most of all cancer, I HATE that you took so many of my friends before they were even able to vote in a presidental election. Remember Jonathon, cancer? My first friend to fall? Well I have some news for you. You took my 12 year old friend's body but his soul is with Jesus. That's also where Terrie, Milton, Tony, Beth, Ryan, Jamey, Jessica, and the other friends who had cancer end their lives entirely too soon are.

You see cancer. You can't possibly win. You may eventually take down my body but I'm no longer letting you have my soul. You know what else cancer? I vow to tell everyone I know who is diagnosed my experiences so that you can''t steal their childhood, adolescence, and adulthood.

You are nothing more than a left-over from the time of the dinosaurs. Taking families and tearing them apart. Making me have nightmares when you have again reared your ugly self. I hate you cancer. Absolutely despise you. From this point on, I vow to worry much less. I dare to dream of a future where I will be living and seeing my children grow up. That's right cancer. Remember when you came back stage IV ovarian and almost stole my fertility? Well, you didn't. You can't have everything. When all is said and done you may get my body but not my soul. In the name of Jesus you will have neither. So you might as well go back to where you came from.

I'm not letting you win any more. On this date --June 25, 2008 I make this vow. So you might as well run now.

You can also run from my friends Renee and Shelley who have had you visit them this year. I won't let you have them so you might as well give up. As for Carrie's little Zackary---you can forget about having him as well. He's going to live to a ripe old age and give her grandchildren. I claim that. Christ said whatever you believe if you ask in his name it will happen and I have. You have no power over us cancer so go back to Hell where you belong.

I HATE you--you evil disease. You are no longer all of who I am.